Random writings

Are old women sexually attractive?

Posted by O'Maolchaithaigh on December 3, 2007

In response to one of my posts on another blog, I got this email (excerpted):

>>> Why aren’t you attracted to women closer to your own age? For that matter why can’t most middle-aged men appreciate women of a certain age? I’m in my mid-thirties and it really gets on my nerves when I’ve been hit on by men in their 70′s. After this happened a few times I began to wonder if I looked old or something. It’s not flattering to be hit on by someone old enough to be your father, trust me. It makes you wonder what is wrong with the guy and whether he has some issues about control and/or power. …it’s no fun being a woman and getting unwanted male attention. … OK, I guess I feel pretty sensitive about the whole age thing. … And hey, why not try to meet some women your own age?<<<

old-woman-madeira.jpg old-woman.jpg old_woman.jpg

I’ve been giving the second part of your message some thought. I’m attracted to women my own age, for friendship. Sexually, I never stopped being turned on by my ex, even as her jowls increased, her weight increased, her hands turned old & leathery looking, and she had to regularly dye her hair. Every look at her bare skin or touch of her body was enough to arouse me. I’m still attracted to her. However, being attracted sexually to other old-looking women is difficult. For one, in my experience, women lose interest in sex as they get old, especially during and after menopause. Men never lose interest their entire lives, and can in fact father children their entire lives. Since it is rare for an old woman to conceive, I suspect men have always looked to younger women for sex. I’ve heard that some older women enjoy sex, but I’ve yet to meet one, so why would I expect to have good sex with a woman who no longer enjoys it, and/or who only has it for their spouse’s sake? I love cuddling, holding hands, snuggling during movies and in bed, but that is not enough. I believe the answer to your question is simply, sex. Men are conditioned, perhaps also inherently through biology, to seek out young women for procreation. This is not to say that a man can’t continue to have a great sexual relationship with his spouse when they get old, but a single man? or a married man that is not getting sex and/or passion? Of course men will hit on women of any age that appear sexually attractive. IMHO.

This woman is definitely sexually attractive (at age 52): mariamcbane1998.jpg

This a a good resource on sexual arousal of older people: Sex and the Silver Years

Men are almost universally attracted to women of all ages, and I can’t see that changing. For friendship, it doesn’t matter. If an older woman, who is not interested in sex, wants to live with or be married to a man, then she must let him seek out other women for sex, not insist that he be “faithful”, whatever the hell that means. Just because a man loves a woman, that doesn’t mean he only wants sex with her. Usually it’s true, a man wants sex with his partner, and that’s usually enough, but when a woman doesn’t enjoy sex, or rejects it out of hand, why the hell would they object to a man having sex with another woman, regardless of age? I think the same holds true for women: if they want sex, and their spouse/significant other doesn’t, then they should have sex with other men, and there should be no jealousy, nor any change in living arrangements. Maybe old women who don’t enjoy sex should just live with each other.

>>> I know you’re being honest and frankly, it scares me. Getting old for a woman isn’t the same as for a man. It’s like, we can’t all be Demi Moore and look fabulous. I am friends with a couple of women in their mid-to-late forties and I think they are drinking themselves to death because of their loneliness (much like the woman you ran into while you were walking in the ditch). I hope you can see a woman’s point-of-view on this one. Men are often guaranteed a lifetime of love and companionship.<<<

-

No one is asking women to look like Demi Moore. Well, of course, I can understand why you’d feel that way somewhat. What I don’t understand is why older women can’t be happy with their friends? Why are they lonely? Why does a woman need a man? If she wants sex, then I can see it. But if a woman has already had lovers, husbands, children, and isn’t interested in sex anymore, why would she need to have another man, and only a man, just for companionship? I don’t understand that. Children tend to stay in touch, visit, and be around their mothers all their lives, so it seems that women are usually guaranteed a lifetime of love and men are the ones that aren’t. I doubt seriously that men in general are guaranteed any love or companionship for life. The ones that do have it have had to go out and actively seek it out, perhaps again and again, and it’s a crapshoot. Additionally, just because a man is with a woman, that doesn’t mean he’s getting love or companionship. I do know about that. Men do not seek out young women for looks so much as for the sex. Are you saying that women in their 50s and 60s look for men for sex? or they can’t imagine the “disgrace” of only living with other women? If a woman is fun to be around, and there’s some sexual tension or playfulness, then I don’t think she has to worry about finding a man in her old age, or keeping the one she has. Many old women and men hang out together for fun and companionship. Old people can live together, but denying men sex because a woman doesn’t want it anymore? That’s wrong. If older men were free to have sex outside such a relationship, then such a scenario wouldn’t result in a man leaving an older woman, just for sex. All bets are off if the woman is actually interested in sex. Some women fail to appreciate how important sex is to most men, again, IMHO, and place too much importance on men having sex with other women, even when they are not interested in it themselves.

You also said, “I began to wonder if I looked old or something.” Are you kidding? Do you think people have a filter on their attractions, that men can only be attracted to people their own age? That was the funniest thing I ever read, that a man who hits on you thinks you look old! That was really, really funny. Thanks.

And I am certainly interested in woman in their 30s, or 40′s. I married my 1st wife in her 30s, and my second was already over 40 when I met her, 45 just before we married. Both women were divorced with two kids, one of each already a teenager. I certainly have never been bothered by such things. My first real, live-in relationship was with a woman 5 years older than me. There is only ONE woman under 30 I am interested in at all (she’s 27), and I am far too old for her to even consider.

See also:

older-men-find-older-women-just-as-attractive-as-their-younger-counterparts-survey-shows

[In a Synovate survey of seniors aged 55 or older nearly 40% of men in 12 key markets said older women were just as attractive as their younger counterparts. The study was conducted among 3,481 seniors in France, Germany, the US, Japan, Greece, Hungary, South Africa, Slovakia, Italy, Romania, Hong Kong and Korea. Questions asked of respondents ranged from their perceptions of beauty vis-a-vis age, the age they think a woman’s beauty peaks and the least beautiful thing about men and women as they age. Apart from the 50% of Greek men and 33% of Italian men who point out weight gain as the least attractive aspect of women getting older, a flattering majority of men in most markets surveyed find mature women every bit as attractive – wrinkles, grey hair and all. In Germany, six out of 10 older men think older women are simply gorgeous.]

All this being said, however, I think the question can be simplified to: Are women attractive? Certainly. Some are, some aren’t. Women that wouldn’t have been attractive to me when they were younger, aren’t suddenly going to be attractive when they get older, just because I am older. So, no, not all women are attractive to all men, nor are all men attractive to all women. Age can be a factor, but it is not the primary factor in a relationship, any more than a certain kind of look. We can be influenced by society: family, friends, commercial ads, movies, etc. but we are still attracted to whom we are attracted to, regardless of sex, colors, or age. No one has any right to condemn anyone else for who they are attracted to, as long as the attraction is based on real physical interaction, not fantasy or mental disease.

The question I should really pose here is: Are old men sexually attractive if they aren’t rich or famous?

13 Responses to “Are old women sexually attractive?”

  1. Idetrorce said

    very interesting, but I don’t agree with you
    Idetrorce

  2. O'Maolchathaigh said

    Which part? When I say random writings, I mean random ramblings. I was just wondering about those things. Obviously, a woman my age is sexually attractive if I have a sexual relationship with her, but, in general, strange older women are not going to look sexually attractive – it’s not natural. Whether or not there’s sexual tension or attraction there would involve getting to know each other, and playing on old associations from younger days, in my opinion. Men are always attracted to almost all women initially, but it seems to me men of all ages are attracted to women of a certain type and age. It’s hard to believe that any man is attracted to a woman specifically because she looks old. Is that what you mean? that people have an age filter as they age? That they adjust their attractions according to their own age? I don’t believe that. It seems to me that people realize they can’t attact younger partners anymore and settle for someone older. Being attracted to someone for non-sexual relationships is something else, and independent of age or looks. Unfortunately, men do not ever lose their interest in sex – is that what you mean? Or that women who have no interest in sex shouldn’t feel they can only have a close relationship with a male? I think that would apply to men too. I find it odd that people think sex is not important in a marriage, or other live-together relationship, especially a monogamous one. Is that what you don’t agree with, that people shouldn’t have sex outside their primary relationship if their partner doesn’t want sex? I agree that goes against conventional thinking, but I think it would help keep people together who don’t have satisfying sex anymore. An odd opinion, to be sure, but that’s what I’ve come to believe.

  3. anangeli said

    Older women should get even. Like get money of their own, pay a male bimbo for sex and leave evidence around. Older women should get the most money from their men (with which to pay the young boys later). After all, they suck up all her youth and then, they go on to be unfaithful — without any regret. Older men don’t realize they go ugly on their groin and it is not pleasantly attracting to be with them, or exciting. Those elongated things get also old and “wrinkledly” I guess they loose all their abilities to arouse and maintain their woman’s interest since they are old and weaker. Women are known to require long lasting attention until climax. The only reason younger women are with them is for the benefits. I have heard them: money, status, liberty, sense of power over old men, fun, etc. It’s complicated but all the reasons men give for this are wrong, they are excuses.

  4. O'Maolchathaigh said

    Actually, older men are known as better lovers than young men, because they know better how to please a woman, and last longer than young boys, who lack control. I don’t know when the penis turns old and wrinkley – I haven’t seen that yet. Like I said, I don’t believe men actually leave women because they don’t look young anymore. That is a popular thing to say, but I don’t think that is what is occuring. When an older man is seen with a younger woman, that is the first thing people say – probably left his wife for her. Or when a man gets divorced and ends up with a younger woman – his ex always says she was left for a younger woman. I have not seen any evidence of this. I believe it is more likely that women who base their self worth on their looks think that is all there is to sexual attraction. It is not. If a woman loses all interest in sex, then what is to keep the man interested in having sex with her? He goes off in search of sex, not youth. If a young woman is the only one who will have sex with him, then fine. In most cases I’ve read about, the “other woman” turns out to be a neighbor or close friend who is the same age. People who seek to punish all men because all men are bastards simply do to others what they have complained about, which is often not even based on real experiences, but hearsay. This perpetuates a viscious cycle, and helps people learn to stereotype others based on their sex. Remember, in my own case, I was still fully sexually attracted to my wife, who was showing her age – it did not bother me in the least. She doesn’t think any man looks good nude. She didn’t lose interest in me sexually, she has no interest in sex at all, never did. It was just something you do. What age of men are you talking about anyway? 80? At 30, 40, 50, 60, men can still be quite strong physically, and well able to satisy a woman of any age. Often, the men who cannot get it up, simply cannot be aroused by a passionless wife. They find a woman, of any age, who enjoys sex, and they suddenly find they are quite sexually capable. Are you saying sexually imcompatible people should stay together forever, and never venture on to other people, just to not be condemned for leaving an old man or woman?

  5. O'Maolchathaigh said

    FYI: * Men under 40 are usually erect in 3 to 5 seconds. Those between ages 40 and 50 take 3 to 5 times longer. (That’s 9 to 25 seconds)
    * Older men keep their erections longer.
    * Men over 60 have less rigid erections and have longer periods (12 to 24 hours or more) between erections.
    * Older men take longer to ejaculate. They are also less aware that they are about to ejaculate. The ejaculation itself is not as
    forceful as that of younger men.

    Women: * The vagina changes. The walls become thinner. The vagina also becomes shorter, narrower, and less able to expand during arousal
    and climax.
    * Vaginal wetness usually takes 1 to 3 minutes in women over 40. It may take only 10 to 30 seconds for younger women.
    * The uterus gets smaller due to less estrogen during menopause.
    * The uterus does not enlarge as much during arousal in women over 40.
    * Some women over age 60 have painful cramps during orgasm. Even though it may take longer to be aroused, older women can have
    normal orgasms, if they have stayed sexually active.

  6. daisy said

    i’m in my 30′s and men are not as attracted to me as the once were, my cousin said it’s because i have dried up, and i was told that nobody would want me, sometimes i belive that and sometimes i don’t. but in life when u don’t have anyone to be intimate with or to love u, life is a bit hard and lonely, so i guess that’s what took the spark out of me, my young sisters i envy them, men seem to fall out of the sky when your young ,pretty and perky. i try not to feel old, but feeling unwanted makes u feel old, and there are a bunch of people younger than me that thinks i’m old, because they are’nt yet. so sometimes it’s hard to get perspective on being single in your 30′s, when u feel all alone in this and sometimes alone in the world. my family god bless there heart must think i,m pathetic, i never thought i’d still be single at almost 33yrs.old.

  7. O'Maolchathaigh said

    30′s is hardly old. Geez. I’d be excited to meet a woman that young. 33 is nothing. Attitude IS everything. What do you mean by dried up? Are you talking about your vagina? That can happen without regular sexual activity as my post before yours points out. If you mean your face and skin, that can happen when one smokes; quitting can restore one’s appearance, but it will take time. Just feeling old? Hell, sometimes I feel like I’ve lived for 114 years, not 57. I often feel old and lonely, but at times I’m very happy with my life as it is. I never thought I’d be alone at this point in my life, but I find that the less I worry about that, the more people want to be around me. You have your finger on it: you recognize that you feel like no one would want you, and that makes you feel even older. Trust me; 33 is NOT old. This feeling of being unwanted will pass. Try to not worry about it. If it doesn’t matter to you, it won’t matter to others. And hey, if it’s your vagina that is dried up, get some K-Y liquid. Feels like natural lubrication. Don’t worry about that; once you’ve resumed regular sexual activity, your natural fluids will return, at least until you’re 65 or 70. – Just my thoughts on it all.

  8. Pam said

    Interesting dialog…I am 44 (as of today!) and am in the middle of ending a 7 year relationship with a man 10 years my junior (and, no, I am not a ‘cougar’). I won’t bore you with any details, however, one of the reasons for my ending our relationship was our infrequent sex life. I find that each year my sexual desire increases…I was actually looking for articles about women over 40 who find their libido increasing (of which there are none;-) when I stumbled across your random writings. So, here’s my two cents. Both men and women have varying degrees of interest in sex (at any age)…although, I will agree with you that, from a statistical standpoint, men are the gender more likely to continue to desire sex later in life. Loving someone and holding hands is wonderful…but it won’t ever replace the release and intimacy that sex provides – ever. IMHO, sexual attraction has nothing to do with age and is not entirely physical…it is something far more intangible and unique to each person. Don’t get me wrong, physical attraction comes in to play, but all the other moving parts can make or break the attraction – no matter how good looking (or young) they are. There is no greater turn on than to know that someone else finds you sexually desireable.

    The only comment that I have that seems to differ from yours….is that some men do not know how important sex is to women;-)

  9. Hey, thanks for the comments. On your last point, mightn’t that be because, in general, women don’t let men know if it is, or how important sex is to them? BTW, 44 is a good age; I understand women peak, sexually, around 40, so you ought to be hot now anyway.
    Interestingly, on your point about someone else finding you attractive being a great turn-on; yeah, I can see that. My ex-wife, however, always said that men are not sexually attractive. I was always telling her how attractive she was, and she liked hearing that, but said that I found all women attractive, so she wasn’t much impressed by my desire for her. She says all men are dogs, and that I was attracted to all women sexually, so it didn’t mean anything. She is a very hard woman to please, and I’m glad I don’t have to try anymore.

  10. [...] …https://terrystuff.wordpress.com/2007/12/03/are-old-women-sexually-attractive/Attractive older women ?? A new threat to relationshipsIn every case the foresttennessee chose the [...]

  11. gythaogg said

    Thank you for this post. I’m in my late 40s I have been wondering for a while now how it could be possible that my husband still finds me attractive. He certainly behaves in every way as though he does. But when I’m out and about it’s clear that men no longer find me attractive. And when I catch sight of myself in a mirror it’s really quite dreadful to me to see the bagginess that is happening in my face. But your post seems to confirm that yes it is not unexpected that my husband would still find me attractive even though others don’t.

    It is extremely infuriating that for most women our sex drive and capacity for sexual pleasure drops off as menopause approaches. I recently started taking a tiny prescription of testosterone daily and that’s when my drive started to return and I was reminded that sex used to feel really good! I’m not sure that’s a healthy thing to do though – it’s not like a treatment where you restore normal balance of hormones to your body, it’s deliberately altering the normal balance. And by the way, for it to work we have to start taking it sometime around menopause/perimenopause or else the nerve endings die.

    I do think the issue you mention where one partner loses interest in sex and the other doesn’t is a very complex and difficult one (fortunately not one I’m facing at the moment). I see that you don’t understand why a woman would find it unbearable for her husband to have sex with other women, even if she no longer wants to. I on the other hand can understand it and I think there are a lot of women who would feel that way. Sexual jealousy is one of the universal traits among humans. But there are a lot of couples that do craft their own solutions. Have you read “Marriage Confidential”? I know I could never live in one of those non-monogamous relationships but it claims that there are people out there that are fine with it. I do wonder if some poison builds up over time, but maybe not. Each to their own as it were.

    • The nerve endings die?!!!! Holy crap! I guess, if I had a male brain in a woman’s body, that would freak me out. Women, in general, don’t seem to mind the idea much that they will or have lost interest in sex. To men, in general, it is vitally important. That is why I said that perhaps women should allow their husbands/lovers to have other sexual relationships, because most men don’t want to end their relationship with someone just because she is no longer is interested in sex. I believe men would prefer to stay in a marriage, particularly when kids are involved, but have some kind of outlet for sex. I was just saying that men don’t necessarily want to leave their wives for another (sometimes younger) woman, but that, often men just have an overwhelming desire for sex, and women can’t stand that. Sex doesn’t have to be the only reason two people live together, does it? It was my theory that, if a woman is no longer interested in sex, she shouldn’t object to her husband seeking out sex elsewhere. It just doesn’t make sense. To divorce someone because they have sex elsewhere, even while not being interested in sex themselves, just seems incredibly selfish, and controlling. If the sex isn’t that important, why destroy the relationship altogether just over the issue of sex? It seems an issue of control, not love.

      • kandine said

        I just think this post is rediculous. The selfishness and the self righteousness you’re so desperately holding on to. A relationship and a comittment is about sacrifice. So you’re all caught up on the idea that a man should be able to seek another Woman for sexual fulfillment when most times the reason that a woman isn’t interested is because her own needs aren’t being met to bring about that desire. It’s A shame that like anything else there isn’t an appreciation for a lifetime of building And creating a life/ home/family isn’t good enough to warrant a faithful spouse. Especially when most women give the best years and their bodies to have children and families with the men they love. It’s never enough. Work full time, run a home, raise children, be a great mom, in great shape, your husband’s whore and when you aren’t in the mood, let him go off and have sex with another. That’s so insane. I am a 20 something, educated, very attractive and single by choice. but I will say that is completely bogus. Good luck with your rationalization. So when your daughter comes to you one day and says her husband is sleeping around because sec isn’t a priority due to lifes demands, you can tell her not to worry, she should let him sleep around.

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